Diary of An Old Friend

"I can't be around people. I want to be the first one to walk out. I want to feel the burden." I thought and closed my eyes so that I'd see nothing. Life seemed a lot better with eyes closed. But, then I have to look up, I saw the moon and I saw beyond that....into the endless skies and the thought of stars, planets and galaxies came to me. I saw the clouds covering and uncovering  the moon. Flowing like smoke. Probably, we have clouds in our heads that cover and uncover the shining light. We only see it for a part of time. To reach it, we have got to be above the clouds. Hot summer night and pleasant wind touching my face. I wish I could drift away with it. I have strange fantasies about vanishing. That someday I'd disappear completely.no Facebook, no twitter or whats app, no physical existence..just a name, a memory of past. I can be no one, I can be nothing but ashes or dust. People won't know where I went, they'd just know I am no longer here. I don't subscribe to the idea of human interdependence. What grudge do I have against social networking sites?  Social networking sites are a platform where you market/sell yourself, they make you give an impression that you are always winning, while in real life you are possibly having the hardest or the most embarrassing times of life. All you create on these sites is an impression...a false projection.

This night is turning out to be a reminder of how much I hate people. Look at the alphabets, look at the numbers. Look at 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9...single alphabets and single numbers make no sense..or a limited sense, so we put them together. Single humans on their own make enough sense still, we put them together, well to make more sense I guess. Thought of every mind is 'why can't everyone be loved and cared?..why can't we have someone to adore us completely or why can't one be understood without any utterance of alphabets formed into words that would never say the confused emotions of the inside. If we were able to do so, wouldn't we become God? Humans covet attributes of God. They..no, we..we want to be able to see the whole world in one sight, be able to know what's in other's heart, be able to take control of one's life, be able to make things right for the loved ones, be on top..top of everything. Humans adore God, as much as they ignore God.

It is said that "insan sirf apna hota hai", then why are we so dependent? Why we live together and look after others when eventually all we do is think about ourselves only. I don't know whether to question or to support the sociality of human nature. People would say, 'no we no longer know who she is..perhaps a depressing silence'.